HOW TO HELP PEOPLE BUILD A FULFILLING AND LASTING MARRIAGE
Joe Igboanugo | Rev www.marriagerest.com
Introduction
A fulfilling and lasting marriage requires intentionality, personal dedication and willingness to grow together as a couple.
God can guide you in the choice of a life partner i.e. you can be married to God’s perfect will but it’s not an automatic guarantee that you will enjoy fulfilment in marriage. It’s your responsibility as to whether you enjoy your marriage or merely endure it. Quality marriage requires some work.
1Cor.15.10 – “But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.”
The following biblical principles will guarantee a fulfilling and lasting marriage.
1. Common Desire For Companionship
Gen 2:18 AMP; John 15:13-15
* At the core of a fulfilling marital relationship is friendship between partners.
* Emotionally intelligent couples stand the test of time because they are friends who support and care for each other. They share a bond of mutual affection.
* As companions and confidants, they know each other’s internal world and understand each other’s likes and dislikes.
“Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.”
God said, “It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.”
Active components of marital friendship: sacrifice, loyalty, transparency, trust and effective communication.
2. Intentional Appreciation of Mutual Differences
1Cor 12:21-22; Philemon 1:6; 1Pet 3:7
The recognition, understanding and regards of both the similarities and the unique differences between husband and wife as a man and a woman.
* Physiologically, brain is wired differently.
* Emotionally, men are different. Some don’t even express emotion at all.
* Men and women are different romantically.
As therapeutic as romance is in marriage, to men, romance is often a means to an end. Almost 99.99% of the time that end is sex.
“Live with your spouse in an understanding way.” Treat them with respect, minding your differences.
* “Weaker” doesn’t mean weaker in character or weaker in intellect or weaker in position but in physical strength.
* Husbands don’t use your strength to take advantage of your wife but rather use it to protect and care for her. And wives don’t use your mental strengths to reduce or manipulate your husband but use your strength to compliment him.
3. Personal Understanding of Mutual Commitment
Mark 10:7-8; Philemon 1:6; Ezek 16:8
* Marital commitment by God’s design is not a confession we make one day. It is not a vow we promise, it is a decision we live by daily.
* Commitment will be challenged by adverse circumstances.
* Commitment takes strength of character.
It takes intentionality and purpose.
Commitment in marriage comes with personal priority adjustments.
4. Foundation of Mutual Trust & Transparency
Gen 2:25; Prov 25:19; Eph 4:25
* To be open and vulnerable and transparent before each other.
* The fear of the LORD is the foundation of building trust in marriage. IF this foundation is out of place, marriage has lost its core value.
* No masks! No dark secrets! No covers.
How safe do you feel to express your insecurities, your fears, your mistakes in the presence of your partner?
* As trust goes, so goes the capacity to love.
Maturity is essential when we demand trust and transparency in marriage.
5. Solid Mutual Spiritual Convictions
Deu 4:4; Psa 127:1; Eccl 4:12; Amos 3:3
* A common faith in the Lord as the very centre of the marriage relationship.
* Marriage is not meant to be simply two people living together; it was made by God’s design to have Him included in the process.
* Personally living by values and virtues of godliness are strong checks and stabilisers for lasting marriages.
Unless we are allowing God to have His say in our relationship we are fighting a losing battle as believers.
6. Mutual Pursuit of Intimacy
* Passionate love. Rom 12:10
Marriages that last have learned to cultivate a passionate love throughout the lifetime of the marriage. It begins with God. Passionate love is unconditional love. It works even when our spouse hurts us. Passionate love involves forgiveness.
* Intimacy through prayer. Matt 18:20
Recent research shows that when couples pray together regularly this may actually reduce their risk of divorce.
Praying with your spouse provides the avenue for increased grace and power, and increased passion, resulting in greater degrees of intimacy with God and thus with each other.
* Intimacy through koinonia. 1Cor 7:4-5
In marriage, love making is blessed by God to bring maximum pleasure to the partners thereby strengthening the covenant while uniting the couple in intimacy. Lovemaking is a form of deep fellowship and silent communication between husband and wife.
